Guest blog: Take the lead on friendship

Published: 13 Aug 2026

In later life, free time often opens up, bringing more space to explore your interests and choose how, and with whom, you spend your days. This creates an opportunity to build the kinds of friendships you may not always have had room for before. But it’s rare for these connections to happen by chance.

Be intentional

Without the routines that once brought people together, such as work and raising children, friendships often need a more intentional approach.

The good news is that small, proactive steps can make a difference. When you follow your interests and put yourself in the right places, you give new friendships a chance to grow.

We invited anthropologist, broadcaster and author Dr Anna Machin to share her advice on how you can make new friendships a reality…

The friendship trigger

Dr Anna Machin begins: “While friendships are a key part of our wellbeing, the primary factor in making new friends is often circumstance.”

However, the joy of having more freedom as we get older is that we can choose friends based on chemistry and shared interests.

Be intentional with friendship, urges Dr Anna Machin

She adds: “Friends are vital to our health and wellbeing, but it’s not uncommon to reach later life and find that you are no longer in touch with someone you once considered your best friend.

“You may find that you were very close to ‘school-gate’ friends when you had small children, but as those responsibilities change, you become less connected. Or friendships you’ve made haven’t been sustainable because you’ve moved, switched jobs or retired.

“The great thing is, when you have more free time, you can focus on rebuilding the friendships that matter, and make new friends based on genuine connections rather than convenience.”

Find local events happening near to you

Make a plan, not a wish

When opportunities to make new friends are no longer presented to you on a plate, you need to be intentional.

That means:
•    Planning opportunities to meet people, rather than hoping they’ll appear
•    Putting activities in your diary so connection becomes part of your routine
•    Choosing environments where people share your interests, making genuine connection more likely

Anna explains: “Hobbies and friendship groups like the Oddfellows provide an intentional space and structure to make new friends, offering a natural environment where people can organically create connections.”

Friendship groups like the Oddfellows offer plenty of chances to catch up with regular faces and meet new people

Quality and quantity

One of the main reasons workplaces generate so many friendships is that you regularly spend time with lots of different people. So, when it comes to building new friendships, remember that both quality and quantity matter.

Anna says: “Friendships between people who don’t see each other regularly in person dwindle much more quickly than those you see often, because the lack of regular contact means there’s less emotional closeness and less of the bonding chemistry that keeps us together.

“It’s that emotional closeness, combined with regularity, that embeds your friendships and makes them strong enough to deal with challenges. If that’s not there, they’re more likely to fracture.”

A key lesson to keep in mind is that you get out of friendships what you put in.

Anna explains: “The key is consistency, regularity and proximity. That goes for friends you’ve had your whole life and new ones too.

“Having a regular hobby or joining a friendship group like the Oddfellows is a great option because it not only provides a place where you can make friends, but also somewhere you can maintain that emotional closeness through regular events and activities.”

Oddfellows events are hosted to make sure you're looked out for

Rebuilding your social circle

Later life isn’t a closing chapter for friendship – it’s a chance to redefine it.

This may be the first time in your life when you can actively choose how you spend your time, and who you spend it with. Embrace this exciting chapter.

That means not waiting for friendships to come to you. Create opportunities, put a date in your diary, and give yourself the chance to cross paths with people regularly. Because the more often you show up, the more likely you are to find your people.

To help people take that first step, Oddfellows branches across the UK are encouraging people to ‘Circle September for new friendships’ as part of their annual Friendship Month celebrations.

Throughout the month, local groups will host hundreds of free or affordable events and activities such as walks, talks, quizzes and afternoon teas – giving people plenty of opportunities to meet others in their neighbourhood and start building connections.

Find out more about Friendship Month 

Find your nearest Oddfellows friendship group

•    Use the Branch Finder to locate your nearest Oddfellows branch
•    Search for activities using the Events Finder, including online events
•    Request your free information pack and local events diary
•    Register for an online open day
•    Read more advice in our friendship guides section

Free friendship webinar

Dr Anna Machin is hosting a free webinar on Tuesday 13 October at 7pm. In this Zoom session, she’ll offer expert advice on how to be proactive about finding friendship in later life. Register here or find out more

About Dr Anna Machin

Anna is a doctor of evolutionary anthropology, a writer and broadcaster. She is world-renowned for her work in the science and anthropology of close human relationships. She is also the author of Why We Love: The Definitive Guide to Our Most Fundamental Need.
www.annamachin.com