Six steps to finding belonging in retirement

Published: 21 Oct 2026

As we move through life, the groups we belong to can become an important part of who we are, giving us friendship, purpose, laughter and a reason to get out. This is incredibly important in retirement, explains Dr Anna Machin…

Quietly powerful

There’s a lovely feeling that comes from knowing where you belong.

It might be a room where someone knows your name, a group that saves you a seat, or a handful of people you can talk to and be yourself around. Belonging gives us something quietly powerful – the feeling that we have a place in the world, we are valued, and we matter to the people around us.

For much of our lives, work is where we find belonging, providing routine and regularity. But retirement can leave us feeling adrift.

The good news is – it isn’t something we find just once. As our lives change, our places to belong can change too. 

Anthropologist Dr Anna Machin gives her six tips on finding a new place to belong if you’re feeling a little lost in retirement.

Dr of evolutionary anthropology, writer and broadcaster, Dr Anna Machin

1: Get to know the retired you

Before you dive into new groups or experiences, spend time thinking about your identity, who you are and what matters to you. 

What do you enjoy? Do you like conversation or activity? Do you value quiet companionship or learning?

For some people, an obvious choice is to look at activities they enjoy and find a local group. For others, it can be a bit more nuanced, you may find more of a connection with a group with shared values. 

Belonging isn't about squeezing yourself into the first group that you find. It's about finding somewhere that fits who you are. 

2: Give it three months 

After identifying what kind of group appeals to you, give it a fair shot – belonging doesn’t happen overnight. 

There will always be some nerves when trying something new and an adjustment period. 

It takes around three months to feel embedded in a group and get a sense of belonging. Proximity, regularity and consistency matter. Seeing the same people repeatedly gives relationships the opportunity to develop.

During this time, think of yourself as an information gatherer. You're finding out – Do I like these people? Do I like the culture? Do I feel comfortable here?

Around the three month mark, you’ll likely be familiar with the group dynamics, routines they have and how you fit in. This is when you start to become part of the group rather than an observer.

Choose a group with regular events so you have time to get to know people and feel part of the community

3: Be a team player

Belonging is a two-way street. You need to value a group to find a sense of belonging, but they need to value you too. 

Social groups like the Oddfellows have been specifically set up to welcome newcomers, but it’s the contribution from members that really help the groups and members thrive. 

We all have something to contribute, whether it’s leading lively conversation, helping make the coffees, or providing a quiet and steady presence. Adding to the dynamic of the group – no matter how small it feels – will establish your identity within it.

And don’t forget, the healthiest and happiest people are those who help each other. So, go one step further and see what opportunities there are to satisfy your caring nature. Can you help to welcome nervous new members, chip in with fundraising or make people cups of tea at the get-togethers? 

4: Don't confuse being busy with belonging

Having something in the diary feels great because the anticipation gives us a dopamine hit. But being busy isn't the same as belonging. Ask yourself how you actually feel when you are doing things with a new group or trying a new activity. Do you feel connected? Do you enjoy yourself? Do you feel less lonely? 

If you're constantly filling your diary but not feeling connected to the people you're spending time with, perhaps your busyness isn't serving you in the long term.

Go back to point 1 and revisit your identity and what really matters to you, not everyone else.

Find your people. Retirement can reshape your sense of identity, so stay open to new friendships and connections

5: Mind the identity gap

“I’m a teacher” or “I’m an engineer” might be how you introduced yourself for decades. But retirement removes the most common ‘label’ we use to describe ourselves, leaving an identity gap. 

You don’t need a profession to provide a sense of belonging, you can get it from lots of different aspects of your life, from family to hobbies and your social circle. 

Retirement is the perfect opportunity to get curious about how your identity. Try some new titles and see what fits this new chapter of life. 

Here are some roles to try on for size:  
•    Volunteer
•    Club member
•    Grandparent
•    Traveller
•    Mentor
•    DIYer 
•    Student
•    Friendship group member

These labels aren’t to pigeonhole you. It’s about creating fresh opportunities to build purpose and belonging. Try one or try 10, but make sure you give it a go and keep an open mind. 

6: Trust your gut

Our brains are remarkably good at reading social situations. Humans have evolved expert social abilities because knowing where we fit within a group has always mattered. So pay attention to how a group feels.

After you've given it a fair chance, if something consistently doesn't feel right, listen to that feeling. You don't have to find a logical explanation.

If a group isn't right, don't see it as a failure. Learn from it. Ask yourself why it wasn’t quite right. Was it the people? The structure? The atmosphere?

And give yourself a massive pat on the back for trying. You have learned something about yourself, and that information is valuable. It can help you decide where to try next. 

Remember: belonging is a feeling

Belonging is all about people and how you feel when you’re with them. It also gives us the feeling that we are part of something bigger than ourselves: that we are known, valued and have a place in the world.

So the question isn't ‘Do I have somewhere to go?’, it’s ‘Does this community make me feel good?’ and ‘Do I feel like welcome and accepted?’.

Retirement is a great time to think about your identity and help it guide you to a new place of belonging. 

Belonging builds step by step and we hope these tips help you put your best food forward in retirement.

Find your nearest Oddfellows friendship group

•    Use the Branch Finder to locate your nearest Oddfellows branch
•    Search for activities using the Events Finder, including online events
•    Request your free information pack and local events diary
•    Register for an online open day
•    Read more advice in our friendship guides section

Free friendship webinar

Dr Anna Machin is hosting a free webinar on Tuesday 8 December at 7pm. In this Zoom session, she'll explain why identity matters after work ends and share six practical ways to find friendship, purpose and connection in retirement. Register here or find out more

About Dr Anna Machin

Anna is a doctor of evolutionary anthropology, a writer and broadcaster. She is world-renowned for her work in the science and anthropology of close human relationships. She is also the author of Why We Love: The Definitive Guide to Our Most Fundamental Need.
www.annamachin.com