Friendship's the best comfort zone

Published: 13 Oct 2025

We often hear about the benefits of stepping out of your comfort zone, especially later in life. But what if true wellbeing comes from stepping into a different kind of comfort – one built on connection, companionship, and community?

Reliable, uncomplicated and reassuring

When it comes to meeting new people and trying activities, it’s natural to feel hesitant. Gut instinct might suggest a ‘no thanks’.

However, if the risk was low, the spaces safe, and the welcome warm, would your answer be the same?

That’s what Oddfellows friendships groups are all about – offering opportunities to socialise and try new things, but in ways that feel reliable, uncomplicated, and reassuring.

Sandra Brooke, centre, feels at home with fellow Brighouse and Huddersfield Oddfellows members and friends Norma, left, and Elaine, right

This, says Sandra Brooke from Cleckheaton, is her experience of an Oddfellows friendship group. She’s been a member of the Oddfellows’ Brighouse and Huddersfield Branch for over 17 years.

“Trying a local social group for the first time is nerve-wracking. But that’s because it’s a new experience, not that you can’t do it,” shared Sandra.

“The thing is, sometimes you need to step outside of your comfort zone to find the places you can feel totally at ease in, and with people who make you feel relaxed and comfortable.”

Born this way

Dr Andy Cope, happiness expert and friend of the Oddfellows, says we are naturally pre-disposed to seek out comfort among friends. 

He said: “From an evolutionary perspective, safety in numbers meant survival. Loners got eaten while groups thrived. Fast forward to modern life and our nervous system still equates companionship to safety.

When we’re with friends, our bodies downshift from threat mode to safe mode. Cortisol – the stress hormone – drops, and oxytocin – the feel-good chemical – rises. Simply put, being with your tribe makes you feel physically safer and psychologically calmer.”

Say yes to a new familiar

Research carried out by the Oddfellows this year* found that two thirds of people over 55 are more likely to say ‘no’ than ‘yes’ to something new (66%). The same group also told us they are more likely to want to mix with those of a similar age and background to them (37%). 

That’s because being around a group of like-minded individuals brings collective comfort and reassurance, whether you are sitting crafting together, taking part in a group dance class or attending a rock concert.

Dr Cope explained: “Collective effervescence is that sense of ‘group buzz’, an elevated state we experience when we’re caught up in something bigger than ourselves. There’s chatter, laughter and energy. Shared emotion magnifies joy and diminishes pain. Alone, joy is fleeting. Together, it’s amplified.”

Feeling not being

Comfort shouldn’t simply be finding a cozy blanket and settling in on the sofa. It means being among a familiar group who you can be yourself around, and who will provide you with security and reliability. 

It means knowing there’s a seat saved for you on the bus, or a place at the dinner table, and most importantly, a warm welcome.

For over 200 years the Oddfellows has helped its members forge friendships and offered help in times of need.

Hundreds of in-person and online social events are organised each month, many with regular dates, such as weekly coffee mornings, lunch clubs and games afternoons, or monthly activities such as day trips and organised walks.

...comfort frees you to get on with the good stuff: laughing, dreaming, reminiscing.

Dr Cope added: “We flourish when we’re connected. Finding your tribe, whether that’s old school friends, a book group, a choir, or the Oddfellows – gives you a sense of belonging. There’s a huge wellbeing rush when we feel seen, valued, and understood.”

He added: “Being with like-minded people, often those your own age, removes the heavy lifting of explanation. You share reference points, humour, even aches and grumbles. It’s comfortable, like slipping into your favourite chair. That comfort frees you to get on with the good stuff: laughing, dreaming, reminiscing.

“The science is clear. People with strong social networks live longer, recover faster, and are happier. But the magic isn’t in the research papers, it’s in the everyday feelings. Sitting with friends and thinking, ‘these are my people’ – that’s the antidote to loneliness, the spark for happiness, and what makes life brilliant.”

Know your value

No matter where you are in the country, your local Oddfellows will embody the society’s values and provide you with a warm welcome. But we understand that trying something new can still be daunting for first-timers.

Dr Cope said that understanding your own impact will help justify your place among new friends and give you more confidence to go along. 

He explained: “Collective effervescence describes the feeling of energy, unity, and uplift that people experience when they come together in a group around a shared purpose. And that includes being comfortable together. 

“Don’t attempt to play a role that isn’t suited to you. There’s as much value in sitting and listening to someone tell their stories as there is being the one telling them. This forms part of the comfort zone, a safe space where people can behave in a way that’s natural to you. You add value simply by being there.”

Don’t try, do

Dr Cope also urges people to set out with more intent, which removes opportunities to find excuses. 

He said: “Woody Allen was in the right ballpark when he said that 80% of success is showing up, so here’s a counter-intuitive top tip: quit trying! 

“The word ‘try’ takes you backwards. Every time you announce (quietly to yourself, or audibly to those around you) ‘I’m going to try to…’  you’re setting yourself up to fail. Lose the word ‘try’, and the sentences come alive with intent: ‘I’m going to… go for more walks’, ‘I’m going to go… to an Oddfellows event.”

If you need a little more guidance to building confidence ahead of going along to an Oddfellows event, check out our Three Minute Carrot Method, which removes the fear of committing to something you may not enjoy. 

What to expect at an Oddfellows social event

Oddfellows events aim to offer four things: regularity, so you’ve always got something to look forward to; variety, so you can try new things; reassurance, so you know that you’ll be in a friendly, welcoming and safe environment; and affordability.

So, if you’ve been looking for new connections, but hesitant to try something new, this is your invitation.

The best way to find out about upcoming events in your area is to:

• Use our Events Finder. You can enter your postcode, location or Branch name to find a list of scheduled events. You can then filter events by in-person or online, date and type.
• Request a free local information pack. You can do this online, over the phone or by email. We’ll enclose a copy of your nearest Branch’s upcoming Events Diary, so you can see what’s coming up and who to contact.
• Refer to your local events diary. When you’re a member, you’ll automatically receive a copy of this in the post, or by email if you prefer. They’re usually published every six months, so you can plan ahead. 

If you want to find out more about what to expect at an Oddfellows social event, you can read our handy Q&A or consider attending one of our regular online open days.

*The Oddfellows commissioned Opinium to conduct a survey of 2,000 UK adults 5-8 August 2025.