Fill your September with friendship

Updated: 10 Apr 2024

It's Friendship Month in the UK. And it's a special time for us as we promote the wonderful benefits of joining a friendship group, and share the difference it makes to our members.

A taste of the Oddfellows

Friendship Month, our national awareness campaign, has been running since 2010. And with over 200 special taster events on offer in 2023, it makes it one or our biggest celebrations yet.

Branches and members are pulling out all the stops to make newcomers to their groups feel extra welcome, hosting events that range from walks, cream teas and canal boat cruises, to talks, craft sessions and music nights.

Extra online open days are also being held throughout September, as well as some inventive ways to get the friendship message across.

Sharing yellow roses

South Wales Oddfellows has made yellow roses for people to find across Cardiff and Swansea.

Members of South Wales Oddfellows and their friends at the Swansea Yarn Bombers have been busy knitting yellow roses to invite residents to their events.

So far, more than a 200 yellow roses – a flower which represents friendship – have been distributed for residents to find in both Cardiff and Swansea.

Aimee Green, the group’s Cardiff-based social organiser, came up with the idea. She said: “September is Friendship Month and it’s when we put extra effort into reaching people who may not know who we are, but who would benefit from the friendly activities which take place.

“I thought the knitted roses would be a nice thing for our members to get involved in creating and sharing, and hopefully they will bring a smile to someone’s face too!”

A super-sized welcome

Vale of York Oddfellows is kickstarting its month of local festivities with a super-sized ‘BIG Cuppa and Chat’ event which will take place at various venues across the city simultaneously, including the Community Café at Marjorie Waite Court in Clifton, the Community Centre at Garth Court in Huntington and St Edward the Confessor Church in Dringhouses.

The events have been specifically designed by the Social Organiser of Vale of York Oddfellows, Sarah Walmsley, who lives in the city, to give locals a taste of what they can expect from its meet-ups.

Singing together

Members of Royal Berkshire Oddfellows' Tuesday Singing Together group is showcasing their joy of singing at a free Sing-a-long event at their hall in Reading on Tuesday 26 September at 10.30am. Guests will have a chance to sing along with them.

The singing group’s Choir Leader, Samantha Fields, said: “Around twenty of us get together every Tuesday morning where we enjoy the company and singing in equal measure. We can’t wait to share what we’ve been working on, with the hope that we’ll attract a few new people to join us. You don’t need any experience, just a willingness to give it a go.”

Sharing their experiences

To help spread the word about Friendship Month, three members, Petra Cunningham from Burton-on-Trent Branch, David Jones from Nottingham Trent Branch and Clement Chakki from Birmingham Branch, shared their experiences with national press about the surprising rewards of being part of a friendship group.

They spoke about how having nudges to do more, safe places to socialise and a sense of belonging mattered to them and other members.

David, pictured centre, believes the Oddfellows is a great way to meet people but also that the accountability of being part of a group is a great motivator.

He said: “You chat about life events and you get to know each other. You also get the opportunity to go to places you wouldn’t normally have gone to unless it was an organised event.

“But, you know, some days you might look out your bedroom curtains and think ‘it’s a grey day and I don’t feel like getting up’, but you then have a purpose to get up. You’ve told the group you’re going and you feel obliged to do it. It gives you that extra nudge.”

Inviting the nation to take a 'Friendship MOT'

We also commissioned a survey of 2,000 over 55s in the UK as part of our Friendship Month activities and looked into the social relationships of older adults.

It found that almost half of Brits aged over 55 (46 per cent) haven’t made a new significant friend in the last five years, with a further 46 per cent admitting they have lost touch with some.

Working with psychologist and later life coach, Dr Denise Taylor, this September we’re encouraging people to take a 'Friendship MOT', which enables older adults to assess their friendship needs and check whether they are being met.

Dr Denise Taylor shares advice to boost social wellbeing

Dr Taylor explains: “As we journey through life, we can go through many stages of transition – retirement, relocation, losing loved ones, which can often feel like the connections we used to have in family, work or everyday life, are no longer there, or don’t nourish us in the same way.

“To learn that almost half of over 55s haven’t made a new significant friend in the last five years may seem quite shocking at first, but it is also very understandable.

Take stock of your needs

“My advice is to take stock of your friendship network at regular stages in life, look at your social health, and identify what needs to change to ensure you feel fulfilled and supported by those around you.

She added: “Friendships are vital to our social wellbeing and can have a direct impact on our physical and mental health, so we need to make time to review our needs through regular Friendship MOTs.

“You might identify friends that have a negative effect on your positive energy. You could consider letting these go or reduce the time you spend with them.”

To help people make this assessment, an online Friendship MOT tool has been created which includes five questions from Dr Taylor and ideas on how to improve social wellbeing.

Dr Taylor added: “It’s not about the volume of friends you have. Whether you’ve one or a hundred, what really matters is that you’re getting a healthy supply of joy, support, companionship, recognition and encouragement to stay socially well. If you’re not, then it might be time to open up to new situations and potential friendships.”

Making new friendships

Of those surveyed who had made new friendships in the past five years, 24 per cent had met them through friends and family and 17 per cent had met in pubs, bars and cafes.

The study also showed that of those who had not made any new companions recently, or claimed not to have any significant friendships, 39 per cent felt they didn’t need to make new ones and 13 per cent admitted they have not had the opportunity to make new friends.

Jane Nelson, CEO of the Oddfellows, said: “Even if you believe you have the perfect friendship set-up, or you don’t think you need any new ones, we always encourage people to stay open to welcoming a new friend into their life. New friendships can reinvigorate you and present new opportunities and perspectives that can be uplifting and motivational.

“If you’re looking for some regular, friendly company, but are at a loss about where to start, seek out a local community or friendship group like ours who can introduce you to a wide range of new people. You’ll find that lots of people will have been in a similar situation and will be very understanding and welcoming.”

Dr Taylor concludes: “There’s no expensive kit needed for a Friendship MOT. It’s about putting some time aside for self-reflection and to think about the friends you have, what they give you, and how they make you feel. And if you identify anything that’s missing such as someone to lean on to bring you joy, then you can take steps to fill those needs.”

Dr Taylor's advice

Dr Taylor has shared the following advice on areas to consider when assessing your friendship needs.

1. Shared interests: Hobbies are a fantastic way to keep you motivated, and sharing them with a friend makes it much more enjoyable. If you don’t have someone to do the things you enjoy with, perhaps now is the time to find someone to share your passions with.

2. Emotional support: A problem shared is a problem halved. Do you have a confidante in your social circle you can reach out to? It’s not uncommon to find that friendships decline as we age, often due to changes in circumstances and lifestyle. The good news is, it’s never too late to expand your social circle and develop new, valuable friendships.

3. Joy in friendship: Whether it’s a casual acquaintance or a life-long friend, one friendship we should all have is one that simply brings joy. If you’ve identified that there’s room for more friends, then take action. There are plenty of groups you can connect with, or, if that feels a little daunting, perhaps you could start by simply smiling at someone in the street. Even the smallest connections can bring joy.

4. Sense of purpose: We are sociable beings and being socially connected is crucial to our health and wellbeing. We need to feel like we matter. As we get older and our life goes through transitions, we can often feel like the connections we used to have are no longer there. Perhaps now is the time to put some effort in reigniting friendships or finding new ones?

5. Diversity: There’s a lot to be said about making new friends. Not only do they reinvigorate you, they also present new opportunities and perspectives. Whether you haven’t had time to make new friends, or you don’t know where to start, you won’t regret putting some effort into finding new friends.

Oddfellows Friendship Month

We're always ready to welcome new members to our local Oddfellows friendship groups and September is a great time to give us a try.

There's no obligation to join. Contact us to request your free information pack and local events diary.

You can find your nearest group by using our Branch Finder, or use our Events Finder to search for social events and activities happening near to where you live.

Find out more about Friendship Month and give the Friendship MOT a try.

About Dr Denise Taylor

Dr Denise Taylor is a Chartered Psychologist and Career Coach, and an expert in the field of meaningful ageing and life after full time work. She has written six books including Find Work at 50+. Her most recent book ‘Rethinking Retirement for Positive Ageing: Creating a Meaningful Life After Full-Time Work' is due to be released on 8 November 8 2023. www.denisetaylor.co.uk

About the research

Online research was conducted on behalf of the Oddfellows by OnePoll between 19 to 26 July 2023, with 2,000 adults aged 55+ surveyed. Research also showed that:

• Over 55s have an average of six friendships now, fewer than they had 20 years ago.
• Nearly one in 10 (9%) claimed to not have any current friendships.
• Over half (51%) said they have the support of their friend(s) and 64% have a friend they can trust.

Full results are available on request.