Boost your 'frenergy' this Friendship Month

Updated: 28 Jan 2025

To mark Oddfellows Friendship Month, our new study has explored the ‘feel good factor’ we get from friends, and reveals where else you can get the same buzz!

Fix a friend date for the the biggest buzz

You can’t beat meeting up with mates. But according to our new study into the energy rush we get from spending time with friends – so called ‘frenergy’ (friendship energy) – you can get the same buzz elsewhere. Even, it seems, from strangers.

As a friendly society which provides older adults with local opportunities to create new friendships, we commissioned research* to ‘unpick’ the phenomena of frenergy in the over 50s and better understand the rewards of social interactions in later life.

By looking at a range of situations where individuals felt the same kind of energy hit, the study sought to identify the common denominators.

...simply witnessing an act of kindness gave them a frenergy hit.

The key is in the ‘act of connecting’. Meaning that while in-person get-togethers provide the biggest energy boost for those aged over 50 (63%), the same kind of emotional and psychological energy can also be derived from other experiences.

Two thirds (63%) of those involved in the study said they got the same kind of buzz from helping strangers. 59% said simply witnessing an act of kindness gave them a frenergy hit – the feeling of being connected to the scenario enough to send energy levels soaring.

It’s clear that frenergy is something that we all give and receive. It makes sense then that attending group events with a shared focus, such as concerts or the theatre, also gave a welcome frenergy surge for almost half of respondents (45%).

Mersey Oddfellows is hosting two group walks to celebrate Friendship Month in the Wirral and Liverpool

This September, as our nationwide network of 99 branches celebrate Friendship Month and invite new guests to their social events, we're urging people to recognise the frenergy they can get from group activities with new people as well as existing friendships.

Jane Nelson, the Oddfellows' CEO, said: “We know the uplifting energy of friendship is unique. Spending time with friends in person is an unbeatable feeling. But it’s reassuring to see our research confirm that frenergy boosts can be found in lots of different ways. So no matter what your life or friendship circle looks like, everyone is able to give and receive frenergy in a way that works for them.”

Psychologist at The University of Essex, Dr Veronica Lamarche says the Oddfellows’ friendship group success is because it creates a ‘shared reality’ for people to enjoy, making everyone feel welcome.

She said: “The energy boost we feel from spending time with friends is due in part to our thoughts and experiences being validated and understood.

Dr Veronica Lamarche, Senior Lecturer in the Department of Psychology at The University of Essex

“The fact that 63% of people get a frenergy boost from helping strangers really speaks to the power of small gestures. Non-verbal cues like nodding in agreement or smiling to show you’re listening also contribute to frenergy levels as they validate the person speaking.

“By taking part in conversations and being joyful you are building frenergy among those around you. And it doesn’t have to be so obvious. Your presence alone brings frenergy to the group because it contributes to a sense of shared connection simply by being there.”

Jane added: “That’s what makes the Oddfellows’ friendship groups so special. You can come along to have a chat and a laugh with new people, you can help and volunteer, or you can relax, listen in and just enjoy being part of the gang. No matter what you do – you are contributing to our collective give and take of frenergy!”

Seek out a variety of different 'frenergy' hits

The research shows there are a myriad of ways to keep frenergy levels topped up, but Dr Lamarche explains that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.

She said: “Everyone has different frenergy needs. This naturally shifts depending on whether we’re feeling introverted or extroverted and what life stage we’re at.”

“According to our research 39% of people said they get an energy boost from watching TV and 46% from receiving a text. Whilst these frenergy boosts are smaller than seeing friends in-person, it’s still worth seeking out a variety of different frenergy hits.”

Photo credit: Centre for Ageing Better

“We also found that almost half of respondents (46%) said they wanted to spend more time with friends, with 54% saying that a friend-date once or twice a week was best for them. Whether you’re a non-stop social butterfly or prefer the occasional coffee catch-up, it’s about understanding what’s right for your frenergy needs.”

Jane Nelson added: “People’s lives and friendship circles can change dramatically in later life, so it’s best to build your social life around a variety of interactions. This will help to keep your spirits consistently lifted and reduce the chance of being over-reliant on any one source of support.”

Beware of 'frenergy vampires'

Be warned though – there is also a flipside to frenergy. Half of those aged 50 or over have, or have had, friends who regularly drain their energy (50%). Of these, 58% said they took action to reduce the amount of time they spent with them and one in 10 (11%) admitted to skipping social events in order to avoid them.

“Frenergy ebbs and flows, and can be zapped by the wrong kinds of interaction too,” confirmed Dr Lamarche. “If you have draining friends – or ‘frenergy vampires’ – in your social circle, you’re likely to feel downbeat or lacklustre.

“Just as gardeners prune foliage to ensure their plants make the most of the energy they produce, respectful social pruning can help us keep our frenergy levels high.”

The good news is that there are lots of ways to reset the balance and find frenergy top-ups.

Jane Nelson concluded: “We’re proud that our Friendship Month events will spark the beginnings of wonderful friendships. Introverted or extraverted, we all have something to offer, so we hope you can join us this September and be part of our nationwide frenergy exchange!”

Handforth and Altrincham Oddfellows member, Ann Whitehead (pictured right) with friends she has made at her local group

The buzz of meeting new people

After the death of her mum and subsequent early retirement, Ann Whitehead, 69, from Cheshire, longed to meet a few more people locally. Despite being anxious at the thought of trying out a new group, she took the plunge.

“I was nervous at first,” Ann admitted, “but getting out and meeting people helped me cope with what I was going through.”

In late 2021, Ann was on Facebook and noticed a post from her local Handforth and Altrincham Oddfellows friendship group, which hosts regular meetups throughout Cheshire. She decided to give it a go, a decision she’s pleased she made.

“There were so many people to meet at them,” she said. “I’d go to one event in one area and then another elsewhere and I wouldn’t see the same people every time. It’s great to get to know so many people and find out about them and their lives.

“Everyone is so welcoming, it was like therapy. And Sharon, the Branch Secretary, is amazing. She makes sure everyone feels welcome.”

READ MORE: Ann's story

Head to a friendship group taster event

For Friendship Month this September, the Oddfellows is hosting more than 300 community-based social events, activities and online open days for people to experience the benefits of becoming part of a local friendship group.

You can find your nearest Oddfellows friendship group by using our Branch Finder, or use the Events Finder to search for social events and activities happening near to where you live or online. We also run monthly open days on Zoom.

To request a free information pack and events diary, visit our contact us page.

To learn more about the Oddfellows, visit our about us page.

*The Oddfellows commissioned Opinium to conduct a survey of 2,000 UK adults aged 50+, weighted to be nationally representative, between 17 and 23 July 2024.