A ‘happy constant’ for John

Updated: 28 Jan 2025

When John Leggett’s wife moved into a nursing home, it marked a huge change to his daily life and happiness. She had a fall and needed help with her dementia. Despite his regular visits to Mary, his wife of 52 years, John missed her always being there and experienced loneliness for the first time.

John, pictured centre, enjoying a brew with his friends at Ipswich Oddfellows

“We were a very happy couple,” said John, 75, from Ipswich. “We did everything together, so when she wasn’t there it was very uncomfortable. It’s not grief because I get to see her, but our lives have changed dramatically.

“We didn’t think about it at the time, but we were equal, we cared for each other. It’s interesting because now she’s in a care home I realise how I needed her just as much as she needed me, both for the social and the welfare side,” he added. 

Like a family

When flicking through a magazine, John, a retired cabinet maker and landscape gardener, spotted an advert for a friendship society, the Oddfellows.

“One day I was looking through a magazine and I saw the face of someone I knew in the advert for the Oddfellows. We were friends through the RSPB so I asked her a little bit about it when I saw her next and she encouraged me to join,” he said.

He went along to his local Oddfellows group in Ipswich, thinking it would be a good way to get to know other people and to socialise.

Now a regular, much-loved face at the branch, he said the support of those he has met there has been a lifeline.

“It’s one of the few places I go where I feel totally comfortable,” said John. “It’s like a family. It’s lovely to just have someone to chat to, but you also get the emotional support that you can only really get from your peers or people who perhaps have been through a similar thing.

A keen gardener, John shows Oddfellows members around his allotment

Happy memories

“My wife is always on my mind, but lots of people ask about her and it makes me feel good to talk about our happy memories. Our relationship has changed a lot because of the dementia but the Oddfellows is a happy constant.

“It’s been very worthwhile. I feel comforted that Mary is being looked after and my time at the Oddfellows is a bit of company for me.

“I’ve been to other groups and they just haven’t been for me. You go in and listen to a talk or something and then that’s that. At the Oddfellows someone always comes and sits with you and has a chat, it’s lovely.

“I’m becoming a more established member, so I’m getting to know lots more people at our get-togethers. You really enjoy looking forward to seeing each other, which can be a very warming feeling,” he added.

The Oddfellows is one of the few places I go where I feel totally comfortable. John Leggett, Ipswich member

Lynne Wyatt, Branch Secretary at the Oddfellows’ Ipswich Branch, said: “Friendship isn’t just for the good times. Friends provide support through the thick and thin – and so do we at the Oddfellows. We’re so pleased to have John as a member and to count him as a friend.

“Many things can cause people to lose touch – bereavement, caring responsibilities, moving away, family leaving home, retirement and many other life changes can leave someone, no matter their age, open to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Finding the support of a friendship or community group can make a huge difference.” 

Give an Oddfellows friendship group a try

You can use our Branch Finder to see which of our Branches is closest to you, or take a look at our Events page to see what's happening online, or nearby.

You can also contact us to request a free membership pack.